I arrived home from work the other day to discover that the United States is on the brink of utter annihilation. Yes, while I was munching on a peanut butter sandwich in the safety of our newly re-floored kitchen and perusing the latest headlines on Twitter, I quickly realized that North Korea is now officially a “nuclear power.” Or, so they claim. Actually, they’ve been claiming different variations of this sort of status for quite a while, so it would behoove much of the world — and especially the mainstream media — to take all of this latest intel with a grain of salt. Nevertheless, headlines like “North Korea Threatens Strike on Guam” and “President Trump Threatens North Korea with ‘fire’ and ‘fury’” can be a bit unnerving if you haven’t been paying much attention to reality over the last several months, years and, well, decades.
Fortunately, your humble blogger and truth aficionado is here to put a few things into perspective.
First, let’s all take a deep breath and remember that, despite what you’re seeing on Facebook and Twitter, we're not on the verge of Armageddon or some sort of international nuclear holocaust. So you can cancel your plans to build an underground bunker in your backyard this weekend (as much fun as that sounds.) For God’s sake, we’ve known since the early 1990’s that North Korea would eventually develop nukes and none of this is actually shocking news or surprising information. Besides, this technology is ancient. Deadly and threatening, but still ancient. Any kid who managed to pass sixth grade history (and I’m assuming most of you did) knows that nuclear weapons can have devastating effects — the sort of effects that brought World War II to a screeching halt on two separate occasions in 1945.
But, the great news is that advancements in modern technology over the last several years have granted us the ability to develop neat little things like ground-based missile interceptors (such as THAAD — Terminal High Altitude Area Defense), all of which have had rather impressive performance records. In a test just last month, THAAD took out a missile launched from an Air Force Jet over the Pacific Ocean, a result that brings the number of successful interceptions with subsequent destructions to fifteen out of fifteen. That alone is rather astonishing. Of course, the specific hypothetical trajectory of North Korea’s hypothetical missile would also play a role in determining how quickly we could intercept it, which is why the presence of an SM-3 anti-missile system-equipped U.S. Naval Aegis warship in the Sea of Japan is also critical to this whole situation.
Anyway, I’m the last guy to say that North Korea poses no threat or that we should just ignore them completely. After all, there’s more than enough evidence that we’re dealing with a murderous, authoritarian psychopath who fancies himself a god. He’s eradicated religious freedom altogether and has no qualms about sentencing Christians and other religious converts like Buddhists to suffer in prisons and labor camps or even to be mercilessly executed altogether. His state-controlled media is constantly feeding absurd lies and propaganda to its citizens, claiming that Kim Jong Un has accomplished miraculous feats and that he even possesses supernatural powers — like the ability to go the rest of his life without urinating or defecating (yes, seriously) or that he once scaled the 9,000 ft.-high Mt. Paektu in his overcoat and fashionable leather shoes. He is the literal embodiment of narcissism and a walking definition of an identity crisis.
And yes, it’s troubling that The Washington Post is already reporting — as I type this very sentence — that his rogue regime has produced a miniaturized nuclear warhead capable of fitting inside an ICBM. The dude is insane and such a weapon does not belong in the hands of an insane person.
But, I think we’ve reached a new level of pathetic in American society when braggadocious grandstanding from a fat, short, third-world despot is enough to send us all erupting into fits of mass panic and sheer hysteria. Let’s crunch some numbers here.
We’re the most powerful nation on the face of the planet in every way and our military strength is unparalleled and unmatched. For crying out loud — we have around 8,000 nuclear warheads on reserve, not to mention almost 14,000 military aircraft, over 900 attack helicopters, 72 submarines, 1,066,600 active troops, 800 overseas military bases in 70 countries and another 150,090 soldiers in various nations around the world (and this doesn’t even account for our reserves.) This is all in comparison to North Korea’s 563 aircraft, 302 helicopters, 1.19 million troops and a few tanks. Let’s just be real for a minute: Any military provocation or attack against the United States and/or one of its provinces or allies would be a suicide mission for Kim Jong-Un. He would literally be asking us to slaughter his puny nation. And slaughter him we would.
To be clear: such an act would be devastating and tragic on a scale that I do not even have the words to describe. Just thinking about it here in the calm of this coffee shop sends a chill down my spine. Thousands — potentially millions — of innocent North Korean citizens would die in vain all because their leader is a reckless and mentally-unbalanced idiot. Scores of men, women and children would perish in one giant blaze of ‘fire and fury.' I pray that such such events never come to pass.
In the meantime, what I do know is this: Our national motto has never been more relevant. There’s no need to panic either way because “In God We Trust.”
But, also, there’s no need to panic because Kim Jong-Un is a moronic buffoon who is outmatched, outnumbered and outgunned in every way. And that alone should be enough to help you sleep at night.
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